♥ 

I've grown tired of missing something that has never been mine

          tired of the stolen moments of fantasy in between the reality of our separate lives

There is an ocean between your heart and mine and you don't learn to swim simply on faith

She told me, "You shouldn't give your little bowl of love to just anyone who says they'll treat it with care."  And all I could retort with was, "But his heart is like mine." 

It was more of a whispered wish than a statement of fact.

Heart: You love him.

Brain: You're stupid when you're in love.

Him: I won't hurt you like the others.

Brain: That sounds familiar.

Heart: I am too frail for any of this.

Brain: That is the smartest thing you've ever said.

Stop putting Band-Aids over things that have been shredded into pieces. Stop forcing things to mean more than they actually do. Stop trying to will nothing into existence. Just stop.

♥This is where it ends

With so much potential

     but no where to go from here

And I will miss the sweet sleep your voice gifted me nightly

And my heart will remember how to beat without your warmth

No amount of sorries can mend a broken heart

     as much as I wish they could

After all that could have been

     this is where it ends

♥ This isn't the way it was supposed to go
                 except that it did


and we can argue about
                 the why, the how
                 the who


     but we can't seem to figure out how to solve anything


so it's all in shambles
                and we walk over the eggshells of our broken hearts


crunchcrunchcrunch


and when I look into the blue of your eyes, mine well up with tears
               at all the plans we've made
               that will never come to fruition


      and at all the love we share that just isn't enough to make a difference

♥This is what you've molded me into


This is what you've worn me down into being


numbandtiredandisolatedandhopeless

♥your voice
         should be what calms 
 all the anxiety i'm so overwhelmed with
daily
instead you remind me
      of why i choose to remain 
silent
i need to counter your LOUD WORDS
        by stifling my own (help help help)

♥The words tickle the back of my throat..."I" "miss" "you"


But I swallow them back. Speaking them won't change anything.


We are who we are and no combination of words will change that.


You are a maze my heart will never find the means of conquering.


Yet, part of me will always want to give it a try.  

♥ You slip me a folded piece of paper across the table.

I skeptically reach for it.

Staring at you and your beautiful face,

it’s hard to believe all the ugliness that has surrounded our every exchange.

compromise disappointment deceit

I open the piece of paper and take in the two words.

Bare. Minimum.

I sigh as you get up from your seat and walk over toward me.

We walk out of the room holding hands.

♥ You come and go


and come and go.


and cum. and go.


Always warm-bodied,


always cold-hearted.


Always just beyond my reach.


I stay and stay and stay.


Silent. Loud. Restless. And still.


But I always stay.

♥ I breathed in your lies and they became truths in my heart

I was too giving too hopeful too stupid
to see you for who you are

Blinded by a longing for something different
blinded by everything I wanted you to be
and by a selfish desire for you to be better than you really are

You didn't break my heart, you only tricked me into thinking that you did
(youdon'tdeservethebesttheworstoranypartofme)

♥ isleepiwakeibrushieatiwork

isititypeiyawn and i miss you

you call, i laugh
you text, i smile

myheartwarmsatthesoundofyourvoice

idriveishowerieatirest

iwriteidrinkidraw and i wait for you

e-v-e-r-y-l-e-t-t-e-r brings you one step CLOSER to me
e-v-e-r-y-l-e-t-t-e-r brings a piece of YOU closer to me

until you are near e-v-e-r-y-l-e-t-t-e-r is all I have of Y-O-U

♥Este amor que siento por ti no es posible contener

Te amo con la esperanza de hacerte feliz
De ser el sol en tu vida
y regalarte dulce sueños como tu luna individual

La alegría que siento cada vez que veo tu cara o escucho tu voz
Es como nacer de nuevo y maravillar las riquesas de este mundo

Te amo por todo lo que has despertado dentro de mi
Mi fe, mi alegría, mi risa...mi Corazón (que ahora es tuyo)

♥this life I have consist of many good things

but they sometimes get lost in thoughts of what-if
and guilt or shame surrounding past mistakes

if I could cleanse myself of everything that holds me back
from being the person I was designed to be...
...a person of faith, and grace
...of forgiveness and humility
if I could rid myself of all the doubt that echoes throughout my heart...
...I would

for you, I would

so that I could deserve your love
so that I could deserve your heart and all its brilliance

♥I offer you my heart and the whole of me
but that's not enough for you

Your heart (and body) belong(s) to a fantasy world
to which I don't compare
at least not in your mind

So you're negligent and careless with
the love I give you

You're thoughtless in how you treat the
precious gifts I lay before you -
my trust, respect, and caring
all meaningless to you

This hurt should be yours to bear
not mine

But here we are

Again

You off doing whatever it is you want
and me wishing all you wanted (or needed) was me

♥He was perfect every day
but she wasn't

His blue eyes always sparkled
bringing her such happiness

But nothing she did stirred him

She felt plain and boring and frumpy

Every day

He was perfect every day
until the day she left

♥ Remember how you needed me?

How staying up past midnight, IMing one another,
was part of our weeknight routine?

How the miles between us were meaningless
compared to the intimacies we shared via texts and phone calls?

Weekends together being the only thing
that got us through our week.

I remember:

That first time you walked into my bedroom in that dark blue sweater,
holding my face in your hands as you kissed me.

Hearing you say that I was your best friend and
knowing this was more than casual.

The heartbreak that I never again want to revisit.

But do you? Do you remember how you needed me?