Sunday, August 30, 2009

♥She told me yesterday that she wasn't always like this
It sounded sincere enough, but, somehow, I just didn't buy it

She says a lot of things I don't buy

Some days I try to give her the benefit of the doubt,
but deep down I know it's just a speech she has probably rehearsed many times before

Probably with other guys
Probably with many other guys many times before

I watch her sleep sometimes and it terrifies me
It terrifies me because I feel an overwhelming need to protect this silly, little liar

It terrifies me to think how often I simply look the other way
And how often I want to believe she's telling the truth

She doesn't lie about small things
They'll all big lies
Lies about her past - how she grew up
Lies about how she never really had any aspirations
I know she's just too proud to admit any failure

She lies about almost everything
But she seems to always believe she's telling the truth

She lies about loving me,
but I know she really does love the small scar on my back

She lies about not being crazy,
but she'll admit all her struggles with depression

She lies about wanting to work things out,
but I know how happy it makes her to make me dinner every night

I think her cooking makes all her lies easier to swallow
♥because love isn't fleeting
or just some silly feeling in your belly

you try because the option not to just isn't there
you have to try
almost like having to breathe

because not having each other is wrong
and the mere thought of it
makes your hands feel so empty

and because there is love
in a way you've never known before
only hoped for

and, this time, it's worth fighting for

Near you
everything seems to have a place
my hands on your skin
your head on my lap
even stillness feels exciting when I'm with you

Without you
it all feels crowded and without sense
the air feels more dense
my hands become restless
everything feels uncertain, as if it's all about to crumble

You redefine so much of what I thought I knew
my future

I feel empowered by you
free to wander the clouds
knowing I'm tethered to your heart
♥I didn't walk away, you let me leave
and in a blink of an eye you show up again
asking me to sacrifice my pride just so I can spend a few moments
feeling like I matter to you.

No, thanks.

I matter to someone. Someone who offers me love
and tenderness and affection
without asking me to compromise any part of myself.

And I love him - more than enough
to forget why I ever loved you.