♥  I'm not sure when it happened
     but at some point I must have let down my guard


And now here we are - my heart happy to be in your hands


All the hesitation that has haunted me before 
     is now lost in a sea of your warmth and tenderness


Every day, your kindness moves me to tears -
I've never had more faith in anything than I do in your love

♥
i.
I wish I were stronger
I wish I had more integrity,
          to truly give all that I expect from others,
          to stop being indebted to the past,
          to trust in the complete sense of the word 


ii.
Words are all I seem to have
At the end of the day, my hands are empty...
     just words echoing in my ears, floating around my mind, lingering on my tongue
Yet they are so valuable...
     each a promise, a hope, an illusion


iii.
there     is    no    way    you     will     survive     this     one     in     tact


stupidgirlgivingawayallyoursecretsinexchangeforawarmsmile


you     never     fucking     learn     becausefranklyyoudon'twantto

♥ Just a novelty item - that's the best you can hope she'll ever be

a pretty smile dam holding back a flood of insecurity and a sharp tongue

always well composed, too afraid to let anyone see what's really inside

          (nothingbutahopelessmessofwastedpotentialandvanity)

clever enough to pique your interest, but not enough substance to hold it for long

You'll tell her you love her, but it's only in the same tepid manner you love something that is helpless and oh so naive 

a sweet face that strokes your ego, but questions your character at the same time

(youconvinceyourselfitismorethanjustlustthoughitisnot)

She can see "Insincerity" written across your face, but she'll still hold you with genuine warmth and think,

Iwon'talwayshavesomethingwittytosay,butIcanpromisetoloveyouthebestIcan.

♥ i.


we normalize heartache
as if that's the natural state in which our hearts should be


no longer alarmed by breeches of trust
accepting of anything and anyone
broken - not because of any Why, but because of This Just Is


unaware of how much more we deserve to receive and give
"love" becomes just a word we heard in a song once
"happiness" an antiquated notion we read in a fairy tale when we were kids


ii.


every time you call me "sweet", I interpret it as you kissing my cheek


I am moved by your tenderness
Your gentle heart is a blessing in a world full of aggression 
A desperately needed reminder that not all is Take Take Take


I dreamed of holding hands 
And I've carried the innocence of that moment ever since
Proof of something greater than what we settle for

♥We are unified by nothing other than an unrelenting desire to belong to someone other than ourselves


     Ashamed at what we've let ourselves become
     Seeking redemption in the love of others


You throw the word "love" around like a dagger

     Hoping to embed it into the deepest part of my being
     Hoping it somehow binds you to some truth that doesn't  exist


Cry, scream, forgive...that's become our dance.


Our song nothing more than the sound of a wish slowly fleeting from our lips.

for RB, because I know he cares...

♥ Let's play chicken, see who gives up last
We'll see who can play the better role of martyr
     but I know I will 


I'm not frightened by the tell-tale signs of immaturity
Or by the way your voice gets so loud so quickly


Endure - it's what I was taught to do


And I'll let you smooth things over 
     only to get upset with you again about something with no significance
And maybe this time you'll grow a pair and not accept my apology
     but I know you will


Although I blind myself to your dysfunction, I can feel it
     every time you say "we can work this out"
Sometimes I even mean it when I say we can
Sometimes it's even funny to see how hard we try
     to maintain something we're both in so half-assedly 


We exchange whispered and tepid I Love Yous 
     these words nothing but forced from our mouths


So, yes


This game is set up for me to win
     since at everything else I lose

♥ Without you, it's all too bright and blinding
          There is no moon, there are no stars
          Only noises and shouts


I'm disoriented to my very core


And your voice is now somehow different
but, oh, how I love it
          so reassuring and calming


You are so much better than me
          With your steadfast sense of honor and code of honesty
          Always doing the right thing at the expense of what you want


And I stand before you full of impulse and without any self control
Yet you don't judge me
          You only kiss my forehead and tell me that my heart will lead the way
          as long as I am true to it and those around me


You are the part of my soul that is held captive by petty pride and incessant desire 
And deep down I know I don't deserve you or the relief you gift my heart


I know that I have to let go and fade into the chaos of every day without you
          but I just can't fucking sleep without you near

In response...


♥Flaws are the battle scars of life
     wear them proudly
     because they are what I most love about you


There are no pretenses, nothing hidden
     just your heart, there for the taking
     my taking


And you are my night and you are spectacular 
     the only one that can rock me to sleep
     the only one that calms my fears
       
You envelop me with kindness and sincerity 
     nestled in your heart is where I find my peace