♥This is what you've molded me into


This is what you've worn me down into being


numbandtiredandisolatedandhopeless

♥your voice
         should be what calms 
 all the anxiety i'm so overwhelmed with
daily
instead you remind me
      of why i choose to remain 
silent
i need to counter your LOUD WORDS
        by stifling my own (help help help)

♥The words tickle the back of my throat..."I" "miss" "you"


But I swallow them back. Speaking them won't change anything.


We are who we are and no combination of words will change that.


You are a maze my heart will never find the means of conquering.


Yet, part of me will always want to give it a try.  

♥ You slip me a folded piece of paper across the table.

I skeptically reach for it.

Staring at you and your beautiful face,

it’s hard to believe all the ugliness that has surrounded our every exchange.

compromise disappointment deceit

I open the piece of paper and take in the two words.

Bare. Minimum.

I sigh as you get up from your seat and walk over toward me.

We walk out of the room holding hands.

♥ You come and go


and come and go.


and cum. and go.


Always warm-bodied,


always cold-hearted.


Always just beyond my reach.


I stay and stay and stay.


Silent. Loud. Restless. And still.


But I always stay.

♥ I breathed in your lies and they became truths in my heart

I was too giving too hopeful too stupid
to see you for who you are

Blinded by a longing for something different
blinded by everything I wanted you to be
and by a selfish desire for you to be better than you really are

You didn't break my heart, you only tricked me into thinking that you did
(youdon'tdeservethebesttheworstoranypartofme)

♥ isleepiwakeibrushieatiwork

isititypeiyawn and i miss you

you call, i laugh
you text, i smile

myheartwarmsatthesoundofyourvoice

idriveishowerieatirest

iwriteidrinkidraw and i wait for you

e-v-e-r-y-l-e-t-t-e-r brings you one step CLOSER to me
e-v-e-r-y-l-e-t-t-e-r brings a piece of YOU closer to me

until you are near e-v-e-r-y-l-e-t-t-e-r is all I have of Y-O-U

♥Este amor que siento por ti no es posible contener

Te amo con la esperanza de hacerte feliz
De ser el sol en tu vida
y regalarte dulce sueños como tu luna individual

La alegría que siento cada vez que veo tu cara o escucho tu voz
Es como nacer de nuevo y maravillar las riquesas de este mundo

Te amo por todo lo que has despertado dentro de mi
Mi fe, mi alegría, mi risa...mi Corazón (que ahora es tuyo)

♥this life I have consist of many good things

but they sometimes get lost in thoughts of what-if
and guilt or shame surrounding past mistakes

if I could cleanse myself of everything that holds me back
from being the person I was designed to be...
...a person of faith, and grace
...of forgiveness and humility
if I could rid myself of all the doubt that echoes throughout my heart...
...I would

for you, I would

so that I could deserve your love
so that I could deserve your heart and all its brilliance

♥I offer you my heart and the whole of me
but that's not enough for you

Your heart (and body) belong(s) to a fantasy world
to which I don't compare
at least not in your mind

So you're negligent and careless with
the love I give you

You're thoughtless in how you treat the
precious gifts I lay before you -
my trust, respect, and caring
all meaningless to you

This hurt should be yours to bear
not mine

But here we are

Again

You off doing whatever it is you want
and me wishing all you wanted (or needed) was me

♥He was perfect every day
but she wasn't

His blue eyes always sparkled
bringing her such happiness

But nothing she did stirred him

She felt plain and boring and frumpy

Every day

He was perfect every day
until the day she left

♥ Remember how you needed me?

How staying up past midnight, IMing one another,
was part of our weeknight routine?

How the miles between us were meaningless
compared to the intimacies we shared via texts and phone calls?

Weekends together being the only thing
that got us through our week.

I remember:

That first time you walked into my bedroom in that dark blue sweater,
holding my face in your hands as you kissed me.

Hearing you say that I was your best friend and
knowing this was more than casual.

The heartbreak that I never again want to revisit.

But do you? Do you remember how you needed me?

♥She told me yesterday that she wasn't always like this
It sounded sincere enough, but, somehow, I just didn't buy it

She says a lot of things I don't buy

Some days I try to give her the benefit of the doubt,
but deep down I know it's just a speech she has probably rehearsed many times before

Probably with other guys
Probably with many other guys many times before

I watch her sleep sometimes and it terrifies me
It terrifies me because I feel an overwhelming need to protect this silly, little liar

It terrifies me to think how often I simply look the other way
And how often I want to believe she's telling the truth

She doesn't lie about small things
They'll all big lies
Lies about her past - how she grew up
Lies about how she never really had any aspirations
I know she's just too proud to admit any failure

She lies about almost everything
But she seems to always believe she's telling the truth

She lies about loving me,
but I know she really does love the small scar on my back

She lies about not being crazy,
but she'll admit all her struggles with depression

She lies about wanting to work things out,
but I know how happy it makes her to make me dinner every night

I think her cooking makes all her lies easier to swallow

♥because love isn't fleeting
or just some silly feeling in your belly

you try because the option not to just isn't there
you have to try
almost like having to breathe

because not having each other is wrong
and the mere thought of it
makes your hands feel so empty

and because there is love
in a way you've never known before
only hoped for

and, this time, it's worth fighting for

♥I.

Near you
everything seems to have a place
my hands on your skin
your head on my lap
even stillness feels exciting when I'm with you

Without you
it all feels crowded and without sense
the air feels more dense
my hands become restless
everything feels uncertain, as if it's all about to crumble

You redefine so much of what I thought I knew
perspective
words
laughter
Love
my future

I feel empowered by you
free to wander the clouds
knowing I'm tethered to your heart